As an INFJ I have always struggled with communication. It seems like a lot of people don’t understand what I am trying to say. Many times I struggle with trying to communicate what’s in my mind. It’s so hard to put it all into words!
There are several things that you can do to get better at communicating with others though. Here are the top 5 tips that I have put into practice in my life.
1. Understand that your mind works differently than most others
It’s difficult to explain some of the connections that I see. I used to get really confused as to why people don’t see the same thing! But then I realized that seeing these connections is one of those superpowers that is reserved for INFJs.
As INFJs we are constantly observing and analyzing things and making connections that most other people aren’t able to make. Because of this, we are able to almost predict the future, based on these observations. Not everyone will understand this, or believe it, even after they have seen it in action. But that’s ok. They don’t have to. You should remember that people will only understand up to their level of understanding. It’s hard for them to understand something that they have never experienced.
2. Know who you are talking to
One of the best things you can do to improve your communication is to “type” the person you are talking to (ie: figure out what type of personality they have). It’s really pretty easy to get a rough guess if you know a little bit about them. Look at the categories below and see if you can make an educated guess what their type is.
Once you have a rough guess, you can look up how that type communicates. This way you can meet them on their level.
It may be something as simple as you are very direct in your communication and they are indirect. Or, you could be coming from an emotional place while they are more logical and objective.
3. Research your own communication
Most INFJs love learning about themselves and finding ways to improve. If you haven’t already, dive into how INFJs communicate, look at your strengths and weaknesses to see where you can improve.
Make sure that you are paying attention when you are trying to communicate and it seems like you are failing. This is a great time to think about what works and what doesn’t.
Also, don’t forget that it will be different from one person to another like we spoke about earlier.
4. Know what you are feeling before you begin
Sometimes our communication gets jumbled because we don’t even know what we are trying to say. We don’t know what we are thinking or feeling or even who the thoughts and feelings belong to. As empaths, we tend to take on these things from others. If we don’t have this sorted out, there is no way we can communicate it clearly to others.
It’s also difficult for us to communicate when we are in the middle of processing something or thinking very intensely about a subject. In those times it may be best to delay the conversation until you are more prepared and in a better space in your own head.
Sometimes the best way for us to figure something out is to talk it out with a close friend or family member. Sometimes this is the only way I can figure out what’s going on.
5. Give yourself some grace
As INFJs we tend to be very hard on ourselves most of the time. It’s easy to get caught in the trap of overthinking about what you could have said differently and how the other person received and understood what you said.
The fact of the matter is that INFJs are actually really good communicators. You are probably way better at it than you think. Make sure that you are giving yourself some grace and that you recognize the good things that you said and did. Once you start to recognize the positives, you will gain more confidence and be able to communicate even better in the future!
Conclusion
Communication is something that every type struggles with from time to time. But there are always things that you can do to improve it. Sometimes the most important thing is to give yourself a break and realize that you don’t have to be perfect all of the time. Some people aren’t going to understand and that’s ok. If they really want to I’m sure that you, as an INFJ, will be able to meet them halfway.
