Ask Sarah: Advice About Friends

It’s really hard for me to call someone my best friend. I always have those one or two people I care about so much and they tell me they care about me as well. But then they also have lots of other people they hang out with. I somehow can’t call them my best friend.

I always think that’s okay because they’re “better“ than me. I don’t want to bother them with my life because they have other friends too and I feel that I value them more than they value me. It’s like a damned cycle! Please Tell me you somehow understand what I mean!

– JJ

Hi JJ,

Yes, I understand what you mean! I feel the same way. It’s almost like I am possessive of my friends, like it bothers me that they have other friends. I try not to let it bother me too much though.

I too get worried about feeling like I’m not as good as my friends. But I think about it like this: you become like the people that you spend the most time around. So if your friends are “better than you,” meaning they have their life together more or are better at managing their money or are dresses better than you, etc…It’s a great opportunity for you. You can learn a lot from them!

I would also tell you to think about whether their life is actually “better” or if it just looks that way on social media. So many people are really good at making their life seem perfect on social media, but it’s not really that way at all.

One of my friends recently called me the brokest wealthy person they know. I’m not really wealthily at all, but I like to have nice things and look nice. I also chose to spend my money on adventures rather than practical things like living room furniture. In some sense it is an illusion, but my real friends know the truth.

It’s also hard for me to call someone my best friend. I’ve had many friends that I don’t have anymore, so it’s hard for me to trust people. I’m always concerned that they are going to disappear from my life. I don’t like wasting my time and effort on someone who is going to leave. But you don’t know that they will leave and it really isn’t fair to punish your new friends because of your past friend’s mistakes. I would say to take a chance and give them a fair chance. You never know what you might find!

I also feel like I’ve been in a lot of one sided relationships, too. That’s very hard to deal with. I’m working on one right now, where I realize that I care more than the other person. I’m trying to back off and focus on the friends I have that want to spend time with me.

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