The Dark Side of the INFJ

INFJs are portrayed to be sweet and happy people who are always there to help those around them. That’s not always true. INFJs have a dark and twisty side that comes out from time to time. Let’s take a look at some of the INFJ weaknesses. 

Extremely private

INFJs are extremely private people. We have a knack for making people feel comfortable and adapting to the people around us. But that means that we are hiding the real us to make others feel better. 

None of my friends know the real me. Different friends know different parts of me, but there isn’t one person who I feel like could handle the whole thing. 

Shutting down

When INFJs get overwhelmed with life or emotions we have a tendency to just shut down. It takes a while to process things and we need time and space to do that. Unfortunately, we don’t always communicate what we are doing. We are known among our friends to just disappear from time to time. During these processing times, we just want to be alone, to figure things out for ourselves. 

Not asking for help

INFJs are capable of using both sides of their brains, the creative side, and the logical side. We have a very active imagination and an amazing intuition. We also have a natural ability to figure things out for ourselves and we are generally really good at it. So, when we get into difficult situations we tend to think that we can figure everything out all by ourselves. Sometimes these situations would be a lot easier if we would just ask someone for help. 

All or nothing

When we do something it is all or nothing. There is no balance and no in-between. We commit ourselves to projects 100%. But this can get us into some serious trouble at times. We can become so obsessed with something that we block everything else out and neglect things that we should be doing instead. 

Brutal honesty

INFJs have a unique way of looking at the world. We are extremely honest and straightforward in our communication style. Sometimes we don’t even understand how honest we are until we see the shocked looks on the faces of the people we are talking to. 

Pushing through the pain

Whether we like to admit it or not, INFJs are extremely sensitive. It doesn’t take much to shake us to our core. What’s worse, we are so concerned about the people around us feeling bad that we don’t tell them how they have hurt us. We keep our poker face in place and push through the pain, blaming ourselves for being hurt by what was said to us. 

Bottling everything up 

We are great at keeping things to ourselves, too good. It’s hard for us to open up to anyone because we have been misunderstood for years. So we hold it all in thinking there is no one that will understand anyway. Why even try?

And then exploding

Eventually, there is too much inside and it all comes out. The explosions don’t happen very often, but when they do they are big! Everything we have been holding in for months and months comes out in one massive explosion. It can be a scary experience! The good news is it only happens once or twice a year.  

Feeling hopeless

INFJs have amazing imaginations. We love to spend time there thinking about and planning for the future. Sometimes these dreams are a bit impossible and we are reasonable enough to understand this. It leads to a feeling of hopelessness, missing something that never even existed. 

High Expectations

We have incredibly high expectations for ourselves. We are constantly looking for ways to make things better and see all of the places that we can be better. We strive to be the best at everything that we do. It’s easy for us to let those expectations get out of control and the result is being incredibly hard on ourselves. 

Expecting too much of others

Not only do we expect a lot out of ourselves, but we expect a lot out of the people around us as well. It’s not on the same level as what we expect from ourselves, but it is high. And the more respect that we have for them, the higher the position that they hold, the more we expect out of them. We look at what we would do in their situation and don’t understand why they aren’t capable of doing something similar. 

Conclusion

There are a lot of things that INFJs struggle with, but there are also a lot of amazing things about being an INFJ. If you are struggling with any one of these things please know that you are not alone and it’s ok. I struggle with the same things and I see you. I know exactly what you are going through, but there is hope. You are not permanently broken. You will get through whatever it is that you are struggling with. 

One of my favorite writers, Glennon Doyle, has a saying that I love, “Life is hard. It’s not because you are doing it wrong. It’s just hard. But we can do hard things.” 

Much love!! 

Are you an INFJ?

Find out here!

10 Replies to “The Dark Side of the INFJ”

  1. Amazing to see how all the puzzles come together and that somebody knows how it feels to be me. Thank you for your article! Keep writing! 🙂

  2. The best thing that happened to me this year is taking rhe Myer Briggs Personality test and knowing i am INFJ. I mean, it just describes me to a T. Love to y’all

  3. Clear and concise! I appreciate the beautiful writing and intelligence behind each conflict or trait. Keep on keeping on 💕

  4. It feels wonderful when someone writes things about you that you noticed but didn’t give much importance to it , it feels nice when someone understands you more than you do and keep encouraging you and telling you that there is other people just like you , we infj’s are really good at counseling others but not ourselves so that’s why we existed to each other we helped each other get through these difficulties in this strange horrible world , so thank you for making me smile and become hopeful

    1. This is amazing and also very unnervingly accurate.
      I also was persuaded by a friend to take the myers Brigg test a year ago and wish I had sooner. Its made me realise and accept a lot about myself. I no longer wonder why I am so different and have started to embrace my difference.
      But this article is without doubt accurate with every sentence.

  5. Absolutely spot on. It feels good to be understood. Thank you.

  6. To the author:

    Thank you for showing me I’m not broken; and never alone. Don’t ever stop writing.

    Sincerely
    A Fellow INFJ

  7. I’m INFJ and I’m proud of this. Thank you for your job, because of you I found that I’m INFJ. And your instargam account is very powerful! ❤

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